To Lose Your Faculties

My grandparents are old. My grandma retired "too young", I've always been told. She must've been in her fifties. That statement gives me a weird feeling considering the fact that I retired in my thirties. If she messed up, then what have I done?

But it's not so much about her age as it is a lack of a plan. She retired with the idea that she'd spend her time gardening.

...all of it? All day, every day? Like 10 hours a day of gardening? They had a piece of land that included maybe a third of an acre of gardenable space. In a very short period of time, the yard was made immaculate. Then what?

And now, she's a few decades into her early retirement. She's still mobile, she's still able by American standards for her age. But less so than she used to be. She has more aches, and encounters more injuries. And there are months where the ground is covered in snow, and other months when it feels like it's on fire. So, what is she supposed to do?

My grandma had something of a plan, which is more that could be said about my grandpa. Tending horses was his plan. You can't manage 1,000 lb animals when you're an 80 year old, 100 lb man. So, he's had his passion ripped away, and now he just watches TV.

I think a lot about what I'll do when I'm old. Which passions will I have? What abilities will remain for me to work with? There's so much I want to do in life, and not enough time for everything, so for now, I prioritize. But when I'm old, my options will be slimmer. I think I'll write though. And if my fingers stop typing, I'll speak. And if my tongue loses the ability to articulate, I have faith that the future will provide a way for me to think my words onto a page.

We stop being strong eventually, but endurance remains for decades beyond that point. And when that fades, we don't have to go as hard for as long. We can take more breaks and enjoy the slowing down of life. We can "smell the roses", be more thoughtful with our interactions as well as our actions. I think that's a nice thought.

Right now, I'm in a phase where I want to push, I want to go faster and be more productive and intense. That's okay for now. Later, I'll coast. Instead of trying to always reach for greater heights in my abilities, I'll take the time to reflect and enjoy the abilities that I've developed over the years. I'll get to really focus on enjoying the fruits of my labor, rather than continuing to plant more trees.

Does that metaphor make sense? Right now, I feel like I'm planting fruit trees to build a bigger orchard. But I'm not taking time to enjoy the orchard that I've already grown. Metaphors are hard. On second thought, maybe I won't be a writer in my old age. Ah, anyway.

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